Posts Tagged ‘humor’

tracking

Turkey season starts March 22nd in Georgia, and I’m getting worried.   I’ve only hunted turkey for the last two years, and both years, I had Big Plans! to hunt the wiley thunderchicken, and both years I ended up in the woods for two or three mornings at the most.  While two years isn’t some long-lasting trend to base a curse theory on, I’ve been foiled at every turn so far.

The first year, too many odds and ends cropped up, and the weekend we planned to hunt at Lost Acres, Rob and I ended up sitting out rolling thunderstorms watching movies in the cabin.  Every time we got more than three hundred yards from the cabin, another thunder cell would roll up, and honestly, I don’t care how hardcore you think you are, being in a VERY active thunderstorm with a long metal tube full of explosive charges (a shotgun) is pretty high on the Darwin Award scale.  I was even drawn to hunt Big Lazer Creek WMA in a turkey quota hunt the first year, and couldn’t get the week off.

Last year, between family loss and work, I again ended up in the woods for three days during turkey season.  Every year during deer season, I see close to a hundred turkey in the woods at that club. During turkey season?  Nothing. Not only ‘nothing,’ but I didn’t hear a single gobble, yelp, purr, click, NOTHING.   Even the squirrels were sitting on branches being quiet.

I did see one nice gobbler last year. In my neighbor’s driveway.

Hopefully this year is better. Part of the problem is me – I don’t like ‘I’ll just drive over to the closest WMA and sit in the woods for two hours,’ because to me that feels like I’m doing it wrong and wasting my time.  If I’m not in at least a semi-decent area, and spending a good amount of time, I don’t feel like I’m doing it right, but I think that’s what I’ll have to do, hit Allatoona and Sheffield and just do tiny morning hunts.

Ok – it seems that my Motorola RAZR HD, or my WordPress subscription (or both) will not post videos without going through YouTube – so after a minor workaround, here’s what this post was supposed to show:

My wife and I just returned from a trip to Ohio – we had to pick the dogs up from the kennel today and get my truck from the airport – and that young bird was just a-strutting away in the neighbor’s yard… *sigh*  They’re taunting me… really, in turkey season, I won’t see OR HEAR one in the woods, period, during DEER season, they do everything but climb in my tree, stand on my head, and gobble at me while looking at me upside down.

I mentioned finding an article on punking trail cameras a few days ago, and on the way to work this morning, I had the following thought:

Why make two trips? If you know what type of memory card is used, and your buddy is anything like my buddies, in that they send you photos from the trail cameras all the time, then you just modify the photos you HAVE already, put those on a memory card and make ONE trip.  Just make sure you save the card you pull out so that you can send the REAL photos to your friend.

This opens up more time and interesting ideas for modifying the images. Like this one…

I don't think a treestand would help.

I don’t think a treestand would help.

 

If I wasn’t at work, where at least three of the others watch Football – I wouldn’t even know who was in the Superbowl. I don’t watch sports on television.

But I do love commercials.

I’m sure a bajillion sites will be covering and recovering, and covering the coverage, of this years Superbowl commercials. I’m not going to do that, I haven’t watched those commercials yet, but what I do have are a few of my favorite commercials from years gone by.

Enjoy

From Field & Stream’s Field Notes blog

September 29, 2011 – By Chad Love

Here’s one from the “Why Didn’t I Think Of That?” files…

Everyone knows that punking your hunting buddy’s trail cam with fake creature photos is a real time-consuming pain, what with all the getting in and out of fake Bigfoot suits, leprechaun knickers and alien bodies and such. So don’t. If you’ve got even marginal Photoshop skills then don’t bother taking the creature to the camera, instead just take the camera to the creature…

From this story on thechive.com:

troll-deer-camera0troll-deer-camera1troll-deer-camera2b

Brilliant! But seriously, would you be angry if someone were to do this to one of your trail cameras, or would you get a laugh out of it?

 

(NOTE: This is the complete article – normally I do NOT do that – the author and publishing site deserve full credit and traffic for this article.  Click on any of the images above, or the top Field & Stream hyperlink, to visit the blog.  That being said, I may have some SERIOUS fun with this.  I’m thinking ‘what can I find to photoshop into a trail camera image’ and the answer is… everything and anything… for example, see below.)

Pacino_cam

Yes, I know, the top needed cropped, hey, I spent forty or fifty seconds working on this one…

 

Coach Buck captured after chasing Clara around the ATA show floor yelling “C’mon Clara, GIMME SOME!”

Found on the North American Hunting Club’s FaceBook feed.

I’ve been interested in juicing for quite some time.  For one thing, I like fruit and vegetable juices, for another, I keep hearing about the ‘massive benefits’ of juicing.  One… enthusiast (being polite here, gimme a break) was ranting on the television the other day about how cooking destroys the good enzymes and juicing is the only way to get them.  I thought about that as I was nibbling on a raw carrot.  You know, juicing it. With my teeth.

The wife gave me a juicer for Christmas, and I’ve already been ribbed a few times about how I got her a Kimber Custom II and she got me a juicer, but I’ve been wanting one for quiet some time, so I’m happy. (Besides, I get to shoot and clean the Kimber, so it’s all good.)

juicer

I’ve started looking at recipes for the juicer, and quite a few of the ones I’ve read are fine and dandy EXCEPT for one ingredient.  Like ‘Apples, Mangoes, Oranges, Lemons, and spinach!’   Ok.  I like all of those. Except the thought of SPINACH juice combined with LEMONS AND MANGOES makes me want to nail my tongue to the back of garbage truck, because I think that would taste better.

As a quick test run this afternoon, I juiced one orange and one apple, and made several important discoveries.

  • No matter how splattered and opaque the top becomes, pulling the feeder tool out and looking down the feed chute to see if you need to add more fruit is both funny and rough on the glasses. *SPLAT*
  • It takes a whole orange, and a whole apple, to make enough juice for four or five gulps.  Which isn’t much in my book.
  • Orange seeds sound like the Mayan Apocalypse until they make their way to the waste chute.
  • Even my wife (not a vegetable or fruit fan) likes the apple/orange juice combo, though she says ‘it needs Vodka.’
  • Oranges are a pain in the ass, unless I’m missing something and I’m supposed to juice the peel too.
  • Black & Decker didn’t feel they should spend the $.30 to add even a single recipe or piece of advice in the juicer, just basic instructions.
  • I picked up apples, kale, celery, carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes at the store today, juicing might just be more expensive than liposuction.

Wish me luck, or at least massively humorous failure, since I’ll be sure to share either one here.